You can't take me anywhere....
You will all be happy to know that I will NOT be helping any neighbors with their blow-up Halloween decorations. I think I've been scarred enough for a lifetime. The thought of a giant pumpkin doing naughty things with me gives me the shivers. I would never be able to eat pumpkin pie again. For anyone who missed last years activities, I was molested by a giant blow up Santa doll while attempting to help my neighbor put it up. When I hear the phase, "I get horny even when the wind blows", well... all I can think about is Santa. Bad Santa, bad bad Santa.
Anyway, back to Halloween. I remember the days when everyone was either an angel or a bum. I even remember those horrible plastic costumes with the plastic masks that had those rubber bands on the back that ALWAYS snapped and stung you in the face....ahhhh good times !! Recently I was costume shopping with my daughter while she was looking at the 1,000 or so costumes on the wall. I was amazed at the number of costumes and more amazed by the price ! To distract myself from the bill I was about to receive after she chose her costume, I decided to try on some of the wigs they had displayed. This was fun for me and humiliating for my daughter. A win win situation if ever there was one !! Then I realized how many people before me must have tried on the same wig and I got grossed out. Here I am telling my daughter to never share brushes or hats with anyone and her jackass mother is in a store trying on wigs that many idiots like myself must have put on their heads before me. Ack !! So I decided it would be cool to turn on all the scary displays at once. I got reprimanded by a teenage boy by the name of Joel. I was prepared to grab a plastic sword and duel it out with Joel, but something told me Joel wasn't the type to kid around with. Obviously Joel took his job very seriously as I later saw him rearranging the wedding dress on the skeleton woman while looking down her cleavage. Poor Joel, maybe he will get a promotion and work with the manequins in Macy's where he can get an eyefull of some plastic hooties instead of some dead decaying skeleton hoots!
Oh well, my daughter decided to be a punk pirate princess (I have no clue what that is, I just paid for it and got the heck out of there before I had to witness what Joel might do with the animated troll)
Everyone behave !!
